Ello.

I am at work rather early and have some time to kill so I'm updating again.

I did not move. Mike moved out. I stayed where I was. I'm kind of glad I did. I love my roommates. Well, I love Lane and Katelyn. She doesn't technically live there but she should.

I am single.
I do not mind.
I'm not so codependent.
I'm been enjoying myself.
I've been enjoying focusing on just me for a while and focusing on the things that make me happy.

I've been putting a lot of time and effort into my car. I end up with more and more problems and have recently began to think its not worth it but I'm forcing myself to look at end result instead of the road there... It has become a very healthy hobbie for me. Putting me a healthy state off mind. Being able to visually see the results makes me feel really good about myself and really feel like I'm accomplishing something. Although she isn't aesthetically pleasing just yet, I'm very proud of her slow improvments. She will be.

I also got a new dog. Nathan kept Bella. He won't let me have her. I fought for her for a while and eventually gave up. She has a good home. He takes care of her. She isn't mistreated in any way and she's happy. Just not with we. Sadness. The new dog is Riley. He is an American Bulldog. I got him from a rescue. He is a good dog. I love him. He doesn't really know any basic commands just yet but he is learning. I've had him for a couple of days so far. He is doing well. I enjoy having him there. He is already pretty protective. I think that after only these few days he would bite someone who posed a threat. I already love him. I hate his white hair that covers my bed.. I'm beginning to wash sheets daily. He's a good boy though. The rescue is actually going to write an article about Riley and me for their local paper to promote bully breed adoptions. That made me smile.

I'm currently (as for yesterday) car pooling to work with my roommate and Mama Erica. They both work in Nashville and I work in Murfreesboro so I'm on the way. I'm getting in the habit of getting up at 5:00 and 5:30. It will be good for when I start driving myself again. I intend on trying to wake early and working out a bit before work. Hoping the habit can stick.

I'm currently trying to obtain healthy habits. Things that will improve my physical as well as mental health and better shape my self image along the way. I didn't realize how damaged Nathan left me until recently. I was recently described as "too damaged to love". Alough it was just meant to be hurtful, I focused on it for a bit. After really thinking about it, I am. I'm not happy with me. Why would anyone else be?

I've also decided that I don't need someone else to make me happy. I'm making myself happy. I've been going to bed each night rather content. I know that I've said this is what I need to do over and over again and then fell into my same pattern but I'm proud of actually sticking to it. I've avoided situations and people that would force me back into it. I don't really have too much self control. Its too easy. Really.. its not very hard to make me fall in love.. I mean hell. Read back a bit. All it takes is making me smile and helping forget my problems.

My most recent thought has been that I possibly want to be an English teacher. I've been wanting to go to school for a while and have even thought about taking english classes online for the fun of it in my spare time. Its a thought. Its likely that I will stick to finance, but it would make me happy.

Taking small steps to improvement though. Working on my whole self empowerment thing lately. Hoping it goes well. Hoping I stick to it. Hoping to build myself back up and once again be worth a damn.

xoxo
Tasha